~*Kaun~Banega~Karodpati*~

Kaun Banega Carorpati
"KBC"

Note: This page contains 16 jokes. Scroll down to read all

Joke 1) Santa Banega Karodpati -Complete version
We have our famous friend Santa Singh qualifying for the hot seat.
(He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify)
AB : OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here with us.
Santa : Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh.
Chak denge phatte aj. Tusi start karo ji.
AB: To aap apne pitaji ke saath aaye hai, kya naam hai aapke pitaji ka?"
Santa: "Hai Jee?"
AB: "Kya naam hai aapke pitaji kaa?"
Santa: "Are sir jee, kam se kam char options to do..."
AB: "ufff.., ok.., leave it. Lets proceed with the game"
AB : OK Santa this is your first question for 1000
Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are
A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab
Santa : Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question
AB : Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can take your time
Santa (giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to use my lifeline.
AB : I'm not surprised on this, which one wud U like to use.
Santa : Audience poll
AB : OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time starts now.
After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%
AB : Santa ji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your disgust here.
Santa : Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience ne. I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.
AB : Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK
computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.
Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa : Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein
chodoonga nahi aaj isko.
Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.
AB : Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of using all the lifelines in the very first question.
This is great. OK phone a friend -kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.
Santa : My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.
AB : OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye.
Phone rings. Banta picks it ' Hulloooooo, kon hai oye
adi raati,???'
AB : Hello Banta ji, mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke Kaun Banega Crorepati se.
Banta : ahhhooooooo, Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein #!@#$%&#@##%#& kar deta, kher, Ki hal chal he sar ji.
AB : Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan bethe hain mere saath
aur.................
Banta (Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gaya hoga, khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.
AB : Aapko sirf tees second.,.............. chaliye mein aapko special case karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.
Santa : Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta : oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez pehen gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap laye ga.
AB : Santa ji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa : Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai
..................... (he tells him the question).
Banta : Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska answer mujhe aata hai.
Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer Punjab hai lallu.
Santa : oye par......... (and the clock stops).
AB : Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai, ab to mujhe pakka confidence hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa : Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.
And this was the last episode of KBC as most of the audience died laughing...

Joke 2) Amrish Puri At KBC
Amrish Puri : Sahi jawab !
Mogambo khush hua !

Joke 3) Shatrughan Sinha At KBC
Shatrughan Sinha : Khamosh !
Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.

Joke 4) Laalu Prasad Yadav and Family At KBC
One day Laloo appeared on KBC(Kaun Banega Crorepathy) with him he brought his entire family.
First question : One One?
Laloo thinking : uses all lifelines and answers three
Amitji : Sorry Laloo wrong jawaab
groans from laloo`s family : give him one more chance give him one more chance
Amitji feeling sorry for distraught laloo, decides to give him another go
so he asks Laloo : three two?
Lalloo answers :six
Amitji cannot believe it, but because Laloo`s family begs for him to give Laloo another chance, he does
Amitji : Laloo last chance, three three?
Lalloo sweating answers six
Amitji is silent, suddenly there is a roar from laloo`s family: give him one more chance, give him one more chance...

Joke 5) Amitabh Bachchan Ki ABCL Ko Lock Kiya Jaye
Amitabh is questioning a guy on KBC.
He asks him 'Meri company ka naam kya hain?'
Options : TISCO, Wipro, ABCL, Reliance.
The guys says 'ABCL'
Amitabh asks 'Sure, confident?'
The guys says ' yes confident'
Amitabh says 'Computerji ABCL ko tala laga do'
The computer replies 'Abe gadhe ABCL ko 2 saal se tala laga hua hai !'

Joke 6) 5 Sawaal aur 10,000 Jeeto
Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal:
Who is India's Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!

Joke 7) Phone a Friend
Santa Singh after reaching 13th question:
Amitabh: apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne...
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Mohd. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai? (He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A)
But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh: Apke pas do life line hai... (50:50 and phone a friend)
Santa: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh: Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa: I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, 2 galat javabo ko mita de...
Computer:
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake but as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last lifeline phone a friend...
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga...

Joke 8) Nana Patekar as anchor of KBC
Nana Patekar : Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.

Joke 9) 15th Question will make you...
Amithab: If You tell the correct answer of 15th question; You will become a Crorepati.
Santa: Oh! Then You ask the 15th question directly now.

Joke 10) Mithun as anchor of KBC
Mithun Chakraborty : Eaeeeeeh ! Tu audience poll karega ?
Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai ? Time nahin hai.

Joke 11) Ashok Kumar as anchor of KBC
Ashok Kumar : To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp ), yahan se Rs. 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ).
Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).

Joke 12) Keshto Mukherji as anchor of KBC
Kesto Mukherji : Hee-heek. Heek-yeaaaiiiiiik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai. Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye ? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.

Joke 13) Gabbar Singh as anchor of KBC
Amjad Khan : Kitne options the ?
Chaar ?? Soover ke bachchon !
Chaar chaar options !
Bahut na-insaafi hai !
Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin !
50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye.
Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya?

Joke 14) Armaan
Amitabh Bachchan - Aap kisko lekar ghumne jaana pasand karenge, crore rupiya jeetne ke baad?
Contestant - Aishwarya Rai Ko.
A.B - Arre bhai hamara bhi yeh armaan hai.
Contestant - Koi baat nahin, main Jaya ji se kaam chala loonga.

Joke 15) Drunkard
Ramesh: A drunkard won 25 lakhs in Crorepati (KBC)
Suresh: So, We call him, 'Quarter-pati'

Joke 16) Dharmendra as anchor of KBC
Dharmendra : Galat jawab !
Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.

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¤Ek Choti Si Love Story¤

Ek choti si par saachchi prem kahani, jismai khushiyaa bhi hain aur
dukh bhi..........,

Ek larki hua karti thee pyari si bholi si, khoobsoorat si, shaayad hi
ooske jitna khoobsoorat koi aur hoga iss duniyaa mai, woh khoobsoorat
thee, pyari thee, smart thee. lekin phir bhi oosmai ghamand nahi tha.
Ek din ooski jindagi mai ek larka aaya, aur woh paagal larki oos larke
se anjaane mai pyar kar bethi dono ne ek doosre ko kah bhi diya lekin
kuch mahino baad oos larke ko koi aur mil gayi aur oos larki se oosne
kaha ki he never loved her it was just a crush, aur kuch nahi, lekin
phir bhi oos larki ne himmat nahi haari oosne muskarana nahi chora,
woh maskarati rahti kyonki ooski muskarahat dekhkar aur log bhi kush
rahte the.
Lekin ooske baad oos larki ne kisi aur se pyar nahi kiya, halanki
ooski zindagi mai aur larke aaye lekin oosne nahi kiya, kyonki woh to
sachche dil se oose pyar karti thee, aur kahte hai na pyar to sirf ek
baar hi hota hai.
Ek din woh haar maanke bhagvaan ke saamne gayi aur oosne oonse pucha
ki aap aisa mere saath kyon kar rahe hain, jiss se maine pyar kiya
oose to apane mujhse cheen liya to phir ab aisa kyon kar rahe hain,
jab aapne meri kismat mai pyar likha hi nahi hai to? Woh bhagvaan ki
murti ke saamne bethkar kaafi der tak roti rahi aur phir thori der
baad wahan se oothkar chali gayi.
Kuch dino baad ooski zindagi mai ek aisa larka aaya jo iss duniyaa mai
sabse accaha tha, woh larka oos larki se bahaut pyar karne laga, tab
oos larki ki samajh mai aaya ki bhagavan ji oos pyari si larki ko
bahaut si khushiyaan dena chahte the jo sirf wohi larka de sakta tha,
oos din woh larki bhagvaan ke paas gayi aur oonse kaha ki main jaan
gayi hoo ki aapne oos larke ko mujhse kyon cheena tha kyonki aap iss
duniyaa ki saari khushiyaan mujhe dena chahte hain, oos din se aaj tak
woh larki bhagvaan ji ki murti ke saamne diya jalati aa rahi hai,
kyonki oos diye se yeh saabit hota hai kiw oh apne pyar ke saath
bahaut bahaut kush hai...
yeh hai ek kahani ek aisi larki ki jiski zindagi mai sukh bhi aaye aur
dukh bhi lekin oosne haar nahi maani

Hope you liked it

"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like
someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget
someone..."
Isn't that true??? ;-)

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~*Vishwash Ka Phal*~

M adhvi terah varsh ki ek sadharan kanya thi. Rang gehuan aur nak
naksh bhi theek thaak hi the, parantu uske chehre par ek anmol
aakarshan ka ajeeb sa phailav tha. Uski meethi aawaz aur asadharan
buddhi logon par asar chod jati thi. Bachpan me ma baap guzar gaye the
isiliye wuh apne chacha chachi ke paas rahti thi. Chacha to uska behad
dhyaan rakhte the par chachiji ka bartav Madhvi ke saath accha nahi
tha. Chacha ke dono bacche gaon ki pathshala me padhte the par Madhvi
ko chachi ne ghar ke kaam me aisa laga rakha tha ki pathshala jaane ka
koi sawal hi nahi tha. Subah se raat tak wuh Madhvi ke peeche padi
rahti aur dant phatkar kar sara gharelu kaam karwati. Madhvi dukhi to
thi par nirashavad me use vishvas nahi tha. Uski ma ne use samjhaya
tha ki kisi bhi paristithi me manushya ko haar nahi manni chahiye aur
apna kaam man laga kar karna chahiye.
Ma ki shiksha yaad kar Madhvi ghar ka sara kaam aise karti thi ki koi
atithi ahanak aaye to use ghar vyavastith milta tha. Baccha budha koi
kisi bhi samay kyon na aaye, Madhvi ke chehre ki muskan kabhi dhimi
nahi padti thi. Man ki peeda ko kisi par zahir nahi karti thi. Sabse
hansti bolti rahti aur atithiyon ka swagat chai, sharbat aur garm
nashte se karti. Itni choti aayu me hi usne tarah tarah ke vyanjan
banane seekh liye the. Uske haath ki bani pakaudiyan, kadhi, pulav aur
damalu khakar log ungliyan chatte rah ate the. Itna sab kuch karne par
bhi use chachiaur unke bacche Raju aur Kanchan se kabhi pyar ke do
meethe shabd nahi milte the. Nuks nikalne ke siva unhe aur kuch nahi
ata tha.
Ek hi kaam ko baar baar karwane me Raju aur Kanchan ko bada maza ata
tha. Dukh takleef me wuh sirf eeshwar ko yaad karti thi. Subah uth kar
naha dhokar bhagwan ko bhog lagakar hi kuch karti thi. Sham ko dubara
aarti karti aur kam karte wakt bhajan gati rahti. Bachpan se hi uski
ma ne use eeshwar par vishvas rakhne ki shiksha di thi. Bhagwan se
baaten karna usne apne pitaji se seekha tha. Wuh kahte, "beti, kabhi
kisi musibat me pado aur kisi sawal ka hul na mile to Ramji se pooch
lo. Wuh tumhe zaroor rah dikhayenge. Unke paas to har sawal ka hul
hota hai aur jo unki madad leta hai use kisi baat ki chinta nahi
hoti." Bachpan ki ye baaten Madhvi ke mastishk me aise vsamayi thin ki
ab wuh uski aadat ban gayi thi. Ma baap ke marne ke baad eeshwar me
uska vishvasghatne ke badle aur badh gaya tha. Wuh sochti jo bhi hota
hai acche ke liye hi hota hai. Eeshwar iccha ke bina ped ka ek patta
bhi nahi dolta to phir kyun na main bekar ki baaten chod bhagwan
bhakti me apna samay bitaoon.
Kaafi samay beet gaya. Raju ab college me padhta tha. Roz paas ke
shahar jata aur sham ko wapas ata. Kanchan ki shaadi ki tyarriyan ho
rahi theen. Inhi jadon me paas ke Madhopur gaaon se barat aane wali
thi. Jamai raja ka khud ka karobar tha. Kapde ki dukane theen aur ek
choti factory me khilaune bhi ban kar shahar me bikne jati theen.
Madhvi Kanchan se do varsh badi thi par uski shaadi ki kisi ko parvah
nahi thi. Chacha ne do ek baar chachi se is vishay par baat chedi par
baat aage nahi badhi. Seedhi si baat thi Madhvi sasural chali gayi to
ghar ka kaam chachi ji ko karna padta. Bhala yuh kaise ho sakta tha.
Unhe to aaram se baithne ki aadat pad gayi thi. Wuh Madhvi ko hamesha
sunati "arey bitiya teri shaadi hona namumkin hai. Rang jo tera kala
hai. Kaun kali kaloothi se phere karvayega. Tu to yaheen jami ruh.
Budhape me chacha chachi ki seva karegi to bada punya hoga. Samjhi
na?" Madhvi unki baaton ka zara bhi bura nahi manti. Chacha ki lachari
samajhkar wuh unki dekh bhaal karte hue hi apna jeevan vyateet karna
chahti thi.
Aakhir Kanchan ke byah ka din aa hi gaya. Madhvi ne ghar ki sajawat me
saari kasar poori kee. Khane peene ka badhiya prabandh kar wuh Kanchan
ko sajane me lagi hui thi. Aakhir barat aa hi gayi. Sab log swagat me
aage badhe par Madhvi khane ka poora intejam dekhne pichwade chali
gayi. Abhi usne pattal vagayrah lagwane shuru hi kiye the ki Kanchan
ki saheli Rani ne daudkar kaha "Madhvi, chal aa, dulhe raja apni saali
se milna chahte hain." Madhvi ne sari ka pallu theek kiya aur Rani ke
saath shamiyane me aayi. Dulhe miyan kursi par baith sharbat pee rahe
the.
Jyon hi unhone Madhvi ko dekha hairani se unki ajeeb si halat ho gayi.
Unhone jhat peeche khade doston me se apne priye mitr Rajan ko haath
pakad kar apne paas bulate hue kaha "Rajan dekh bhabhi." Aaspaas khade
log dulhe saahab ki baat sun kar hairan ho gaye. Rajan ki aankhen
ektak Madhvi ke chehre pe gadi theen. Madhvi ko kuch samajh nahi aa
raha tha. Ghabdakar usne Rajan ki or ek baar phir dekha aur ulte paaon
ghar ke andar chali gayi. Rajan ne kursi ka sahara liya aur sar se
paseena ponchne laga. Pradeep Kanchan ke hone wale pati ne Rani ko
bataya ki do saal pahle Rajan ki shaadi hui thi aur pichli garmiyon me
uski patni Renu ka swargvas hua tha. Madhvi ka chehra hoo bahoo Renu
bhabhi jaisa tha. Sirf chehra hi nahi balki rang, kud aur awaz bhi
wahi thi. Rajan ko aisa laga mano Renu use dubara mil gayi ho. Use
baar baar Madhvi ki sundar aankhen yaad aa rahi theen jo bilkul Renu
ki tarah sundar theen, sirf ek fark tha. Renu ke baal seedhe lambe the
aur Madhvi ke kandhe tak ghungral
Ab tak Madhvi ke chacha bhi wahan aa gaye the. Pradeep ne unse kaha
"pitaji aap apni beti Madhvi ki shaadi yadi mere mitr Rajan se kar den
touse dubara uski patni mil jayegi jiske bina uski zindagi bekar hi ho
gayi hai." Chacha ne hami bhari aur chachi ke lakh mana karne par bhi
ek hi mandap me Kanchan aur Madhvi dono ki shaadi ho gayi. Shaadi ko
teen saal beet gaye. Kanchan ko ek beta aur Madhvi ko ek beti ho chuke
the. Madhvi ne kabhi socha bhi nahi tha ki pati ka pyar aur beti ka
sukh use itni zyada milegi ki wuh apne beete dino ke dukh takleef ko
bilkul bhool jayegi. Rajan ke ma baap aur bhai bahen Madhvi ko itna
chahte the ki kaha nahi ja sakta. Madhvi ko aakhir bhagwan par vishvas
rakhne ka phal mil hi gaya.

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~¤Sacchi Mohabbat¤~

Ek ladke ne ek ladki ko propose kiya,

to ladki ne uske praposel ko thukra diya,

uska dost ye sab dekh raha tha,

or dusre us ladke se kahta he ki us ladki ne tumhare praposel ko thukra diya fir bhi tum udas kyu nahi ho?

Wo ladka kahta he,

me udas kyu rahu,

jabki mai janta hu ki maine use khoya he,

jo mujhse pyar nahi karti thi,

udas to use hona chahiye kyuki usne use kho diya jo usase sachhi muhabbat karta tha.

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*Little Girl And Her Father

Little Girl And Her Father Were Crossing A Bridge.
The Father Was Kind Of Scared So He Asked His Little Daughter,
Sweetheart, Please Hold My Hand So That You Don't Fall Into The River.
The Little Girl Said, 'No, Dad. You Hold My Hand.' 'What's The Difference?
Asked The Puzzled Father.
There's A Big Difference,
Replied The Little Girl.
If I Hold Your Hand And Something Happens To Me,
Chances Are That I May Let Your Hand Go.
But If You Hold My Hand, I Know For Sure That No Matter What Happens
You Will Never Let My Hand Go.'

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"I LOVE U DAD"

While Dad Was Polishing His New Car,
His 4 Yr Old Son Picked Stone & Scratched Lines On The Side Of The Car.
In His Anger, Dad Took The Child's Hand & Hit It Many Times, Not
Realizing He Was Using A Wrench.
At The Hospital, His Child Said "Dad When Will My Fingers Grow Back?"
Dad Was So Hurt.
He Went Back To Car And Kicked It A Lot Of Times.
Sitting Back He Looked At The Scratches, Child Wrote "I LOVE YOU DAD"
Anger And Love Has No Limits.

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~*Sikhaya Aapne*~

Aaasuon se samundar namkeen karna chahta hoon aaj,
par barso se inhe chhipana sikhaya to aapne hi hai...
yahi sochke main muskurana chahta hoon aaj,
ki ghamo ko bhulana sikhaya to aapne hi hai...
aapki yaad me ro raha hai dil hamara aaj,
par dard me muskurana sikhaya to aapne hi hai...
aapko khwaabon se bhulana main chahta hoon aaj,
par neendon me aake dil churana sikhaya to aapne hi hai...
kehte hain saathi mere ki bhula du aapko main aaj,
par yaad har ghadi karna sikhaya to aapne hi hai...
kisi aur ke dil pe dastak kaise de sakta hoon aaj,
pyaar sirf aapse karna sikhaya to aapne hi hai...
maut mil jaaye mujhe main chahta hoon aaj,
par zindagi ko jeena sikhaya to aapne hi hai...
khuda bhi khwaabon me aake humse kehta hai aaj,
bhool jaun aapko par kaha maine khuda se,
kaise bhool jaun use jise banaya to aapne hi hai.....

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